Get Out the Way, Bitch

Sitting at desk, and the whiff of cupcake starts wafting in from room next door.

Phone call is urgent, sweaty palms.

Child: This is Ms. Silver’s room. How may I help you?

Me: Well, aren’t you just the most professional-sounding 3rd grader I’ve ever heard. May I speak with Ms. Silver, sweets?

Ms. Silver: This is Ms. Silver…

Me: (whisper voice, barely audible) Cupcake? I smell.

Ms. Silver: Uh, this is Ms. Silver, hello?

Me: (slightly more audible) Birthday cupcake? Cupcake?

Ms. Silver: I don’t know who this is, I don’t have cupcakes, you are mistaken. Good day.

Me: (yelling voice) You know who this is, and I want CUPCAKE!


Runs for the door as a darling child delivers a very roughed-up cupcake. It’s a cupcake nonetheless. Drool is now escaping. Ms. Silver tries to intercept, unsuccessfully. Cupcake frosting is already entering mouth. The bitch tries to swat said frosting out of mouth. Instead of cupcake, the smell of revenge is now pungent. As Ms. Silver is more elderly, escape is successful. Entire cupcake is lodged in mouth. Delicious. 

Exchange ends with both Ms. Silver and culprit crouching over frosting remnants on tray, greedily licking fingers. Animals. 

*It is necessary to note that no child was injured in cupcake incident. Nor were children present during bloody exchange, they were outside getting exercise, like civilized human beings.

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

2 thoughts on “Get Out the Way, Bitch”

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