Ladies, why do we feel the need to not graciously accept compliments? Why do we feel guilty for admitting when we look fierce? Why do we feel we are bragging when asked to list our achievements on resumes and college applications? What is this overly-humble bullshit about? Ya’ll know what I’m talking about. If you aren’t guilty of it lately, you have been at one point or another. We all have. We have all said, “Oh, this old thing?”, when given a compliment. Don’t lie.
Recently I was at a school district training. The trainer was the kookiest woman I have ever met. She was spunky, loud, and pretty much the most hilarious woman I’ve ever met coming out of our district (that’s really saying something, because usually education sucks the life out of you). At one point she started going off on a tangent. She asked us women to make it out goal to never poo-poo a compliment again. The class was on poverty, but someone how she got the topic of self-deprecation in. Pretty amusing. Well, she really got me thinking. She also got me paying more attention to how I respond to compliments.
I guess I should admit that the way I respond, depends on the person. If my boyfriend pays me a compliment, I flutter my lashes, smile pretty, and coyly say, “Oh yeah? You think I’m pretty? What else?” Pretty much this is why my boyfriend is annoyed with me 99% of the time. Compliments from men turn me into the worst version of myself ever. I’m the annoying insecure, attention-seeking psycho all men attempt to avoid. I hate that me.
With literally everyone else, I vehemently deny my pants are nice, and “No, I didn’t do anything new with my hair”- stop looking at me.
I’ve noticed that the compliments I’ve had the hardest time accepting come from other women. Far too often, we are pitted against one another in a competition of wits, and of who has the best, basically, everything. Yet, when it comes down to admitting we have “won” a tiny battle and we’ve been noticed, we deny ever making any effort made on ourselves.
Ladies, as I’m a fellow lady (well, sometimes), I can honestly admit we find it annoying when our fellow woman plays dumb when being paid a compliment. We know it comes from a deep sense of insecurity and the inability to celebrate ourselves, but this bullshit needs to stop! We are all smart, beautiful, and accomplished in some way (unless you’re not, and in that case-get your act together). If a friend, or even a complete stranger tells you they like your lip color, don’t suck your lips into your mouth like a self-conscious vacuum, and passionately regret trying a different color, SMILE and know your teeth look über white. Know you’re hot and others see it too.
The inspiration came to write on this topic when I was emailing a woman from the graduate admissions department at Sierra Nevada College. I was inquiring about the letter of recommendation that was required. Her email response let me know that the letter wouldn’t be required if I have an undergraduate GPA of 3.0 or higher. I felt elated, and was happily typing, “That won’t be a problem, I graduated with honors,” Then, as I hastily tapped, ‘delete, delete, delete…’, I said aloud, “NO, NO, NO! Imma toot my own horn a little bit, dammit”.