My boyfriend is one of those guys who could really care less about celebrities, thus he knows very little about them. This is the direct opposite of me. I know celebrity’s faces, names, first born’s full name, and everything they have ever been in, ever. I am that person who even knows those obscure actors, the ones who aren’t on the cover of People all the time, the one-hit wonders and the uber private ones. I get my kicks by attempting to identify celebrities simply by their voices. Have I made it clear yet, how proficient I am with knowing who’s who in Hollywood? Are you super proud, or what?
My boyfriend is the kind of person who says things like:
That black-haired chick is going to be singing at the Super Bowl.
Because that’s so very specific, I usually have to ask clarifying questions:
That’s really interesting, babe. Do you happen to know the name of this black-haired mystery singer?
Because he has no clue what her name is, he really has to reach to attempt to remember any kind of identifying details that will allow me to guess correctly.
Um, she’s that chick who wears food. You know, the firecracker chick? You know who I’m talking about… I know you do. Oh shit, I know! It’s Kary Patty! That’s it!
Me: Kary Patty?! Who the fuck…you mean, Katy Perry?!
Boyfriend: Yeah, her.
I’m literally dying laughing at this point. Now, forever and ever, if Katy Perry comes up in conversation, she’s Kary Patty. Because Kary Patty is soooo much better. This happened more than a year ago, yet when it comes up, I laugh till I cry. Every time.
Another one of my favorite celebrities a la Wayne is Olson Wilson. Not Owen Wilson, but Olson Wilson. Every single time he is mentioned, Wayne says, “What is up with that Olson Wilson’s nose?”
I adore my boyfriend’s ineptness when it comes to celebrities. I adore it because he’s so smart and precise when it comes to literally everything else. Whether it’s Jeopardy, Trivial Pursuit, or just discussions about current events, Wayne knows more than me, guaranteed. But when it comes to meaningless, trivial celebrity knowledge, I rock that shit, hard.
I don’t really mind the fact that my boyfriend is more knowledgable than I am, because Kary Patty.
I can’t even.
Also, he buys me pretty underwear from Virginia Secret, so, I guess he’s a keeper.