Teacher Breath

Today I was reminded why I never wanted to be that teacher who nurses their coffee all day. COFFEE BREATH STANKS. 

I distinctly remember every single teacher who would lean over me, praising my hard work, with their breath from burning garbage hell. I always wondered how they couldn’t tell their breath was peeling varnish off the desk tops, but I could? If I can smell your breath from a foot away, how can you not smell that God-awful air coming out directly under your nose? How??

Stank Breath Unawareness (SBU) is a very real phenomenon, and 99% of the cases involve teachers. It’s true. 

Today, I was pulling students to the kidney table to assess their phonics knowledge. Every time they got a letter sound or vowel pattern wrong, I would say it correctly for them and then ask them to say the sound with me. 

After overly emphasizing the ‘aw’ vowel pattern for *Sally, she had a very pained look on her face. My first thought when this look appears on my students’ faces is always, “Oh no! He/she is gonna blow chunks!”. Then my knee-jerk reaction is to recoil quickly while trying to play it cool, like, “I’m good-you’re good-it’s-all-good-I’m-not-at-all-terrified-of-bodily-fluids-not-at-all-I’m-just-gonna-stand-over-here”.

As I’m assessing the situation, I become distinctly aware that Sally is basically mirroring me. Exactly. She’s doing the exact same thing as me. She has a pained, grossed-out look on her face that’s she’s trying to disguise with a super-fake-it’s-all-good smile. What? Is it me??? What the hell…

Yeah. I have teacher breath. 

Getting keys to your classroom, or welcoming your students on the first day of school is not when you first become a teacher. You become a teacher the day you disgust a student with your coffee breath. It’s only true. 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

22 thoughts on “Teacher Breath”

  1. Hahaha…I’m reading this as I disgust over my own coffee breath, I’m not a teacher though. Because this is the first thing I read today, I can handle the rest of the day. Thanks for the laughs

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Because I like being mysterious, I’m not going to tell you. Because I have no self-control, I’m going to tell you anyway…Philippines. I’m just glad I decided to read one blog before going to class πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, the dreaded teacher’s breath. I remember being the little impressionable jerk I was, telling my mother how bad my computer lab teachers breath was… Its an epidemic. I agree, 100%. But coffee = life? I’d be torn, with a pocketful of breath mints.

    Liked by 1 person

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