Guys, I’m feeling like a really important person right now. Tomorrow, I’m getting my makeup and hair done, for the first time ever (for a photoshoot, not in that I’ve never done my hair and makeup before. What a terrifying thought), to get pictures done, professionally, for the magazine. Holy shit. It doesn’t feel real, and sometimes I wonder when I’m going to wake up from the best dream ever.
Because I’m Fatty McCupcakes, my photoshoot won’t be your run of the mill, smile-like-you-aren’t-feeling-lame-in-your-sensible-blazer-pantsuit-kind. No, it’s going to involve me attempting yoga, AND it will involve cupcakes. Oh, yes. I can’t wait to share them with everyone!
In preparation for this shoot, I’ve arranged times and dates with the photographer, reserved an empty yoga studio, and recruited my best friend to be there for moral support. Not once did I think I would need to consider clothing, makeup, or hair. I feel like my woman card should be revoked. Embarrassingly, I was more concerned with deciding on the cupcakes-white cake, buttercream frosting, blue sprinkles. I mean, that’s the most important part. Isn’t it?
I’m so glad that the photographer, and a friend from high school, both, asked, “Have you arranged for someone to do your makeup?”
I was seriously going to just roll up in my usual cheapo foundation and mascara. I had no idea that makeup was a huge part of getting your pictures done. I’m definitely no model, so I was just going to hope for the best. Thank God everyone else has their shit together. I might have looked like Sloth. I still might.
Today I picked up the cupcakes that will be involved in the photoshoot. That sounds kind of dirty…I promise they will not be abused. They will be eaten after I get to take my Spanx off. Oh yes. They will be eaten, but they won’t be treated unfairly.
When I was purchasing my cupcakes, the bagger asked me, “Would you like a bag for your muffins?”
What the. How the. I have no words.
HOW CAN SOMEONE CONFUSE CUPCAKES FOR MUFFINS?
Cupcakes have frosting.
Cupcakes are cake.
Cupcakes have sprinkles.
Phew, now that we’ve cleared that up, I might sneak a muffin to appease the butterflies in my stomach. Mmmm muffins.