Let Katie Eat Cake

Seriously.

Where there is cake, you will find me salivating like a rabid dog with ADHD. I just cannot resist the pull of cake. Cannot. I have tried, dammit. I have avoided social gatherings. I have declined birthday party invites and event offerings. I have specifically planned my grocery store trips in order to avoid the baked goods section. I have been good. Seriously.

But cake happened.

It was my Mom’s birthday party. I can’t exactly tell my poor mother, “Sorry, I can’t come, because you will surely have cake and I can’t be trusted around that shit.” I’d sound like some kind of crack addict.

The problem with me is that I can’t just have a sensibly-sized piece and be satisfied. Oh no. No, I have to have a piece the size of a dinner plate. Topped with gourmet ice cream. Mmmmm… *fat clap*

After I ate that piece of delicious slice of Fat Person’s Heaven, I felt like I was going to die. I don’t have the diedabetes…yet, but I felt like I was spiraling into a sugar-induced coma. I felt like I was going to puke. I felt like the most disgusting person in the world.

What did I learn from this?

Absolutely fucking nothing, that’s what.

One would think that after a close diabetes call, one would not want to eat a piece of anything resembling baked sugar, but me? Nope, I am thick headed. I am slow on the uptake. I have fucking problems.

The whole next day all I thought about was that delicious piece of cake that almost sent me to the hospital. I even so much as pulled into the grocery store parking lot on the way home from work. I thought, “Just one small piece. A quick fix.”

Then I sat. Just sat in my car and stared into nothing. I sounded like a junkie. I am a junkie. I am a cake junkie. I will never be well. Someday you will see me begging on the streets for change, just enough to buy a single slice in the bakery section. I will have sold off my car, all of my meager possessions, whatever I needed to sell in order to feed my addiction.

Is there a Cupcakes/Cakes Anonymous?

Help.

 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

46 thoughts on “Let Katie Eat Cake”

  1. Ha ha ha very funny post! There is a Cupcakes Anonymous it’s called Overeaters Anonymous and it has various food programmes that are brilliant for getting your food sorted out. I had anorexia and bulimia from the age of 7 but when I started doing the OA food programme which outlines an amount of protein carbohydrate and fat at each meal and also cuts out sugar and high fat food (no cake I’m afraid!) the bulimia instantly stopped. I haven’t made myself sick since July 2009. You don’t have to give up sugar permanently I gave it up for a while then re-introduced small quantities of high sugar food like cake at special events like birthdays and Christmas. But I do mean small quantities of cake not a dinner plate size. If you can only eat a dinner plate size or nothing you may have to give up cake for a while to get your food under control. But if diabetes is a real risk for you it must be worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If there is, sign me up! I’m down the dust in the chocolate chip bag in my baking stash. If there is chocolate in the house it calls to me, lol. Good luck πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Bummer I’m sorry to hear you get migraines too. Mine aren’t especially linked to food, only high caffeine and sodas. I do okay on chocolate. And for that I thank the chocolate gods every day πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think they are more so linked to stress, but I definitely have food triggers. Also, loud noises, bright, flashing lights, smells, etc. Basically, I’m a real pain in the ass πŸ˜œπŸ˜¬πŸ˜‘

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally get how you are feeling here! Since moving, I’ve taken a lot of sugary things out of my diet (cakes, cupcakes, chocolate, soda etc) just because they are hard to get. Then for my birthday everyone at work was giving me such rich treats! I felt horrible after 😦 Its all about moderation though! Take that piece of cake you want, the real size you want, then cut it in half and put the other half in the FREEZER. That always deters me – unless it’s ice cream cake then I’m just gonna take a fork to the entire thing…one slice? This whole cake is my “slice”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. OOOOOH have you tried the baked variety?! Now, if I crave chips those are the ones I get and they’re so much better for you! I think they taste even better than regular chips πŸ˜πŸ‘

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      2. ooo yes it does! lots of candy and sweet things. But their cakes and things are different than in the West. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cupcake here lol But maybe I’m just not looking in the right places? And chips are different too. Smaller bags (which is good!) but less variety. Like if I want a bag of Ruffles All Dressed chips, it’s an hour subway ride lol I haven’t had any in 5 months! But this weekend I’m going to that part of the city so I might just get some lol

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha! I know!! An hour long subway ride with TWO transfers! But it’s where my favourite book store is, and the clothing store I can actually buy clothes from lol. I need some more workout clothes so I’ll be going this weekend anyways.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. haha yes! and I’m only 5’7. The hard part isn’t the length, it’s because I’m plus size, or as they say here “big size”. and shoes, omg I’ve never been able to find a pair of shoes. I’m a 9-10 and in regular stores the largest is like an 8.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. hehe yeah they do!! but it’s nice because I just see “big size” in the window and sometimes i can shop there. this store deals with american sizes though so it’s just easier. and the prices are amazing.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Step away from the cake. Move slowly with your hands raised and do NOT touch the cake.
    I am in withdrawal at present.
    Cold turkey is hard. I should have weaned myself off. Big cream cake to Lemon Drizzle, to Ginger Bread, to Battenburg and then on to them there Cup Cakes. Once I had been on Cup Cakes for a week I could have broken that cycle with little chocolate crispy cakes or mini flapjacks.
    But no.
    I went cold turkey.
    And it will all be for nothing because it’s Emma’s birthday on Tuesday.
    And there will be cake.
    Of there had better be….

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Chia seeds are the ones that turn into frog spawn when you eat them and then, unknown to you, wedge themselves into your teeth such that you colleagues look at you with thinly veiled disgust all morning. You know the ones!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You know what? I don’t even need cake. I really just want the frosting. I could totally eat it with a spoon. And mixed with peanut butter.

    Sugar makes me an absolute mental mess. Anxious, angry…and craving gobs of pretty much any food I can shove down my pie hole. I KNOW this, yet I keep EATING it, because sugar is delicious….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can’t even stop laughing. Thank you for helping me diagnose my cakeaddiction. I have resigned my fate to eating cake.
    Thank you for stepping into the party yesterday, but I realized my mistake and that was having two links open and some people were partying in the short one *which I’ve closed now* Please if you follow my last party post, you can add your blog url there. My regards and sorry for making you party hardπŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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