Well, I did it. I sent the email declining the job offer. Before anyone tells me I just lost an incredible opportunity, let me first be clear about a few things:
1. I’ve learned throughout this process that I need to stop taking to heart how others feel when what I really need to be doing is listening more intently to my own beat.
2. It’s really fucking expensive to move to another country, and until you know my finances intimately, you don’t really know. You know?
I don’t mean to sound rude, but it’s really, really hard to make such a huge decision when left and right you’re told that money doesn’t matter, or that you’re wussing out because you don’t want to be going down the road to bankruptcy town. All of my young adult years I went about my business as if money didn’t matter and it led to serious problems. I cannot continue down that path.
Without really exposing what a flaming idiot I am when it comes to spending money I don’t have, I will just say that I’ve made some poor decisions that piled on top of bad choices, and because these bastards like to multiply, I’ve accrued a substantial what-the-fuck-were-you-thinking?
I’m not like Donald Trump Status yet, but I can assure you, a move to England right now would have landed me in a pretty bad spot.
I sought counsel from my most trusted, loyal, and beloved friends and family, but I didn’t find any answers until I started asking myself the questions. What really resonated with me was the realization that this is my life decision, no one else’s.
And, I’m the one making the minimum due each month. So, yeah.
I feel pretty damn proud of myself that I was awarded Qualified Teacher Status, applied for jobs, interviewed, and was offered a job in an extremely short amount of time.
If I can do it (pretty hastily, if I’m being honest) this time, I can damn well do it again. Maybe I’ll be more aware of cost of living, exchange and tax rates, and that money doesn’t just need to be spent, but can be saved, too, the next time around.
What I kept going back to during my decision-making process was the first emotion I felt when I got the call (and subsequent voicemail, because I was too scared to answer). What was the first thing I felt? Excitement? Elation? Happiness? Nope. Utter, unadulterated fear. Cold fear. That really speaks volumes.
I can’t run off to other countries to escape my problems.
My dream of moving abroad isn’t over. In fact, I have some solid plans already in place to enable me to be in a better place, financially, for trying again next year. Also, I will be looking in Northern England and Scotland, as the cost of living is drastically less than expensive Southern England. So, there is that.
These coming months will find me with enough change even without a move across the pond, so…stay tuned.