5 Reasons Why I’m Failing at Adulting

1.When my students do or say something turdly, really, just once, want to say, “I know you are, but what am I?” I know… but it would be so awesome to give them a little dose of the ridiculous excuses/responses/attitudes they give me every.single.day.



2. Every year when I renew my car registration, I don’t put the new sticker on my license plate until I get pulled over. It’s like tradition. It is just so hard and takes too much effort to wipe the dust and grime off of my license plate and place the new sticker over the 10 that are already there, about to fall off. Pure unadulterated laziness.

3. Every month, since I was 11 (why, God?) Aunt Flo has visited. One would think that after three decades of this ridiculousness, I would know to be prepared. Yet, every month, I ruin a pair of panties and I have to waddle into the store, with an entire roll of toilet paper wrapped around the crotch of my underwear.

4. I love to wait until the bitter end before a credit card payment is due. That way, the extra money I was planning on using to pay down some of the debt can be used to buy new shoes or way too many Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccinos far before I have to make the payment. Winning.


5. I buy bananas for one sole purpose: I like to watch things slowly wither and die. For what other purpose do bananas serve? I sure as hell never eat them.


Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

18 thoughts on “5 Reasons Why I’m Failing at Adulting”

  1. Miss Cupcakes, I need to come visit. I can fold a King fitted sheet. Buy some red panties and wear dark shorts (hide a packet of emergency tampons in the freezer). Only buy frozen bananas covered in chocolate (Banana Buddies -addictive). You need to come live in Texas, Honey, no one would risk the police pulling them over for anything. LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OK, FREEZE the bananas when they get ripe and then quit buying new ones. (Peel them first.) They keep and you can thaw them in the microwave to mash in whatever. (Or put in a smoothie or blend into a frozen dessert that is most definitively NOT ice cream, but still tastes awesome with chocolate syrup, peanut butter, and Oreos all over it.

    I can’t fold a fitted sheet and the number of craps I give about that is equal to the number of votes I cast for Trump.

    Liked by 1 person

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