Fatty McCupcakes

It’s All About Yours Truly 

I was tagged by The Gay Stepdad in his Get to Know Me post. He listed me as a blogger he’d like to get to know more. I hope he knows what he has done, because I’m a massive over-sharer. Ya’ll ready for this? Brace yourselves. Hold onto your socks. Maybe, use the restroom first, because this is gonna get weird. Actually, it’s probably going to be boring, but I don’t have my other posts ready to publish yet. So, sorry not sorry. 

1. Who are you named after? 

Oh boy. Are ya’ll ready for some complicated shit? So, I’m named after my maternal and paternal grandmothers. Here’s where it gets fun. My “actual” name is Dorothy Catherine. Not once have I ever gone by Dorothy. Not once. My parents never even intended on calling me Dorothy, but they did intend on calling me Katie. However, they wanted to honor my mother’s mother first and foremost. So, instead of making it simple by calling me Catherine Dorothy (making the name “Katie” make more sense) they decided to stick with Dorothy Catherine “Katie”. I know. 

Every first day of school was a nightmare. When I got to middle school, I had to explain the convoluted way my name ended up as Katie eight different times in the course of one day. 

Thanks, Mom and Dad. 

2. Do you like your handwriting?

My handwriting changes depending on the day, the writing utensil I’m using, the surface I’m writing on, and my mood. I like my handwriting on the 82,567 anchor charts I have in my classroom, so I’d say I’m pretty happy. Dang, I don’t know how I’d sleep at night if my handwriting looked like crap and I had to see it all day long, on every wall and surface. What a potential nightmare that’d be! 

3. What is your favorite lunch meat?

I know you all have wanted to know the answer to this particular question for some time. As much as I’d like to share, I feel this is an incredibly personal question that only my boyfriend should know. 

Oh, I misread this question. 

Salami.

4. Longest relationship? 

Seven Years’ War. It ended in a battle wherein I almost cut an 18 year-old midget and her bearded fool. It wasn’t a pleasant time in history. 

5. Do you still have your tonsils?

Yes, and if I wasn’t such a scaredy cat who needs her voice for her career, I’d get  them removed by choice. Why you ask? Well, sometimes I get those nasty tonsil stones that smell like death. When I first got one, I put it in a bag; made an appointment with an ear, nose, and throat doctor; and spent the day mentally drafting my will, convinced I was dying. 

#poopchunkssuck*

6. Would you bungee jump? 

Hell to the I’d-shit-my-pants-NOPE. 

7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Actually, yes. Most of my shoes don’t just slide off of my fat feet. It’s one of the many inconveniences of being plump. Also, I dare anyone to just slip off Converse. It ain’t happening. 

8. Favorite ice cream?

OH SNAP. Where do I even start? When I’m feeling naughty, a good cake batter ice cream with an icing ribbon and cake pieces is the only thing that will do. If I feel like I need to tone it down a bit, I am all about TruWhip and rainbow sprinkles. SHIT. I need some now. 

9. What is the first thing you notice about people? 

I’m going to break this down by sexes. The first thing I notice about women is their eyebrows. If their eyebrows are not on point, I judge the hell out of them. Every other YouTube video is an eyebrow tutorial. Get with the program. 

Is that bad? 

The first thing I notice about men is their height. When a man is really short, I always wonder how they feel about that. Like, are they insecure about it? Do they only like women smaller than them or are they into being the small spoon? Clearly, these are important questions. 

10. Football or baseball? 


Source

Baseball too…

11. What color pants are you wearing? 

Wouldn’t you like to know? Actually, I’m wearing my black leggings with the holes in the inner thigh area. It’s laundry day. 

12. Last thing you ate?

Oh, man…

Well, I ate a bowl of cereal. Only, it wasn’t with milk, but TruWhip. And, instead of cereal, there were sprinkles. It’s kind of like cereal, if you think about it. 

This is TruWhip:


13. If you were a crayon what color would you be?

“Black is ‘Slimming'”

14. Favorite smell?

Baking bread. A fresh bottle of wine. Lavender. 

15. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

I try never to answer my phone. I also try to send an email whenever possible. Despite this, I still had to call to get a refill on my Xanax. It’s that kind of year.

16. Hair color? 

A little bit of brown. A little bit of balayage blond. A little bit of bastard gray. 

17. Eye color?

Baby blue, baby. 

18. Favorite foods to eat?

I really don’t have enough battery on my phone to answer this question. Let me just make it easier by saying: all the foods, except lima beans. 

19. Scary movies or happy endings? 

Happy endings? I think you mean chick flicks or feel good movies, because happy endings are strictly XXX and I’m not about that life. 

I like all movies, except Oscar-nominated flicks. Blech. 

20. Last movie you watched? 

I actually got The Arrival from Redbox Friday night. It was too boring and slow for me. I didn’t even finish it. I also forgot to return it until today, so I’m basically winning at life. 

21. Favorite holiday? 

ERMAGERD CHERSMERSE (you have to say it out loud). 

22. Beer or wine? 

Both. A lot of both. 

23. Night owl or early bird? 

I’m a teacher. I haven’t seen 11 o’clock in years. 

24. Favorite day of the week? 

Friday. I love me some Friday so much. 

24 1/2: Which three of your favorite bloggers do you want to know more about? 

BlairAn Historian About Town, and Charlotte 
25. Who were the latest three people to follow your blog (link to their about page)?

Jennifer’s Kitchen Blog

Traci York

Old House in the Shires

*My friend Alyssa describes her hubby’s tonsil stones as “poop chunks”. This is such an appropriate name, so it’s what I call those foul creatures now, too. 

Unbeknownst to me, this tag was started by Stomper Dad. Go give him some love!