WTF Wednesday #5

Just me and my best friend (not a random dog I borrowed to snap a pic for Instagram).


As many of my followers know, I’m on the hunt for a house. I couldn’t have chosen the absolute worst time to do that, too. It’s a seller’s market in my area, and home prices are climbing to new heights. Homes that would have been right up my monetary alley are not even within reach. 

Probably you’re wondering, “Then, why are you choosing to buy right now, dumbass?”

Well, it’s simple. I’m sick and tired of paying someone else’s mortgage. I’m sick of having to share the communal laundry area in the basement that reeks of weed and stroganoff. I’m sick of forgetting to get quarters to do said laundry. I’m sick of not having a garden I can swear I’m going to use for planting an herb garden, but I’ll likely neglect. I’m sick of not having private outdoor space that I never use, but it’s there if I ever do decide to enjoy some fresh Reno cigarette air. Most of all, I’m sick of not having a dog.

I’ve had more people than is even reasonable who respond to that desire in a way that would insinuate that I’m not “ready” for that responsibility. Maybe they are just putting a really rude spin on the classic, “There, there. It’ll happen in time.” Either way, it pisses me the hell off. 

First, I’m 34-fucking-years-old. Sure, I can’t keep a house plant alive to save my life, but an animal is completely different.

Second, I could have gotten a dog like other irresponsible college kids do when I was young, living in a cramped apartment, and I sometimes couldn’t even afford to feed myself, but I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew that kind of lifestyle and my idiocy was not fair to any animal. 

Third, who are you, the Everything You Could Possibly Know About Dogs expert? Who says you’re the best dog mom/dad ever? I know you feed your dog expired hot dogs and clearance tinned cat food in secret. That organic dog food you made and posted on Instagram happened once. Three years ago. Sit down. 

Lastly, needing/wanting a dog in your life is almost as legit as the need to have a child. It’s all about the biological need for a woman to nurture something. 

Maybe it seems silly to you, but I was born with puppy ovaries. I yearn for a furry, milk-breathed baby. I need something to love and care for. Since I’m not planning on having human children, my desire for a puppy feels legit to me. 

Don’t belittle that desire, because it seems silly to you. 

Might I remind you again that I’m well into my adult years, I am responsible for 20 human lives on a daily basis, and I’m pretty damn dependable. 

Quit acting like I don’t know what kind of huge responsibility it is to have a dog. 

Just stop.

So, the search continues for a non-crack den house that’s crack-den-cheap so I can have a dog. Keep your eyes peeled for my next WTF Wednesday, which will likely be on the myriad options I have for housing (hint: I’m being sarcastic, and most of my options come on wheels).

Tell me: Has anyone made you feel like you were too inept for a dog, or even a houseplant? Let me know in the comments. 

My dog cousin, Pepper. She was cold. See? I know what to do.

48 comments

  1. Daria Kill · March 15

    Weed & stroganoff … I can only imagine.
    I’d love a dog, but I’ll settle for a cat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 15

      If I could get away with having a cat, I’d have one of those! The smell is unimaginable. Our storage is down there. I don’t even want to know what everything smells like 😩

      Like

  2. The Indecisive Eejit · March 15

    Lol at puppy ovaries. I think i have those too. The Fathership says we can’t get a dog cos we’re out all day, but our next door neighbour has a collie who comes to visit, she makes my day πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 15

      Ugh-being responsible and all sucks! I love our neighbor dogs. They are my best friends!

      Like

  3. Cheila · March 15

    You’ll be the best dog mom ever and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I have my two year old dog Rosa and I think it’s time she gets a brother or sister, my biological clock needs a new puppy too. I’m with you girl. β™‘

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ron Walker · March 15

    The wife and I hear the same thing, from the kids. We love Dogs, so that is why, we have 4 small and 2 large, and one Cat. I’m the Cat lover.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. customcardsandinvites · March 15

    For me, it was when I went from two dogs to three. Suddenly I was “that crazy dog lady”. I’m nearly 40, and my family went nuts about dog #3. Nevermind that I have a farm and a child.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Soul Gifts · March 15

    Of course you need a dog! Who doesn’t? I’ve always had at least a dog, sometimes a cat too, for almost as long as I can remember.
    They are loyal, unconditionally loving, fun, playful, make a mess, need potty training, get in the way, demand your attention when you’re busy, always hungry – actually almost like a human kid! I have both. My fur baby stays with me. The others have flown the coop. As I write this, mine is curled up under my desk by my feet, snoring away. But the minute I move she wakes up and follows me. Wherever I go. Even to the loo. She sits between my feet πŸ™‚ I hope you find your home and your puppy real soon !

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Authoress51 · March 15

    You mentioned Reno, have you considered Vegas? I bought a beautiful condo here in Las Vegas and they allow animals. It’s quiet and almost everyone has a dog and or a cat. It even has a pool and jacuzzi. Vegas is not very expensive for housing. Plus if you move here maybe we could become friends. Just a thought

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 15

      I just read somewhere that Vegas is cheaper. How can that even be! I think education down there isn’t so fabulous. Also, the heat! Gah! Other than that, it’d be awesome to move down there and be friends!

      Like

      • KatieComeBack · March 17

        WHICH MEANS YOU COULD FIX IT AND SAVE THE CHILDREN

        Like

      • Authoress51 · March 22

        We do have some decent schools. It”s probably cheaper because it’s bigger. Yeah, it gets hot but i love the heat and i can think of hotter places.

        Liked by 1 person

      • fattymccupcakes · March 22

        I’ve actually considered Vegas at some point. There are some real benefits to living there!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. SickChristine · March 15

    The cat will not stop meowing even though she knows both my kids are still sleeping and she just rubbed her entire face over every square inch of my laptop for the 85th time. Get a dog!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Charlotte Graham · March 15

    I wish so badly that the WordPress comment boxes allowed for awesome GIFs, because I’d totally insert a GIF of some sassy person clapping vehemently, saying “AMEN!”

    Girl, I totally know what you mean!! I hate it when you tell someone you’re thinking of getting a dog, and someone says “Well, you know, that’s a big responsibility!” Like really?? And here I was thinking you could just adopt one and forget about it. Silly me! Ugh, people can be seriously so condescending sometimes. And I doubt they even mean it personally, but it still feels that way.

    Good luck with the house!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 15

      Ugh! Right?! People can seriously suck! Funny how no one says that about having a kid and people are neglecting those all the time πŸ˜’πŸ™„. Thanks, friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Angela · March 15

    UGH, house hunting sucks I feel like prices are creeping up by the day here!!! people tell me all the time I can’t get a fur baby because Im allergic…’I’m like yeah, but look how cute he is, I don’t mind the sneezing, itching and swollen face and difficulty breathing he’s worth it!’
    You get that dog and you show them!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 15

      You’re in the U.K., right? When I was looking for a flat in the southern part of England last year, it made me sick to see how expensive it was!! Gah! I will totally show them!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Angela · March 15

        Yeah it’s a bit cheaper up here in Scotland than the south England but still off the chart, and places similar in size that we looked at a month ago are asking almost Β£10k more now…in a month!?!
        Β£200k for a place that doesn’t have enough room to swing a cat…… bad choice of phrase…no wonder I’m not allowed pets!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • fattymccupcakes · March 15

        LOL!! Too funny πŸ˜‚πŸ˜œπŸ˜ΊThat’s what’s happening here! It’s maddening!!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Traci York · March 15

    Oh, I’ve had tons of people insinuate that I’m rubbish at being a mom to dogs, kids, cats, rats, hamsters, fish, and plants (okay, I will admit I have a black thumb). The fact that you didn’t cave and get a fuzzy baby when you were in college says that you’re way above the curve when it comes to pet parent awesomeness. Good luck with the housing search – been there, done that far too many times in my 51 years (and even spent over a year and a half in a home with wheels, along with our three kids, hubby, a dog, a cat, a hamster, and one plant). πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  12. haveandeatcakery · March 15

    I totally understand the need for a dog! They’re family and I can’t imagine life without one. My life’s goal is to live on a dog farm so I can roll around in a pile of dogs every single day.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Jenny · March 15

    I am right there with ya Sista! House hunting in Elko is not any better 😒 But, I will persevere! I am in the same boat- I want a place of my own where I pay my own mortgage, not someone else’s. And I want to paint a wall (or even use nails to hang pictures) or plant flowers that the neighbor kids don’t pick or dig up. I don’t want to share the yard anymore or be scolded for not poop-scooping often enough. I need my own place!

    And I LOVE my dog! He is the best decision I ever made. I was too broke to afford him (I went in halves with my mom 3 years ago) but I truly needed him. He has been the reason I get out of bed in the morning on those days when I didn’t think I could and he never judges when I need a good cry and cuddle! No regrets on the dog!

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 15

      Are the housing prices just as ghastly there? It’s so depressing to house hunt when you really can’t afford to be doing so. *Le sigh* Your dog is the freaking CUTEST!! You were so lucky to get him!

      Like

  14. lorriedeck · March 15

    Being able to have a dog is the best thing about buying your own place. Even better, since you own the joint, you can even have 2 dogs if ya want. Live on the edge! Good luck with your house hunting.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. tahenryauthoress · March 17

    I have a dog and a child I have kept alive for some years now. But I still kill every house plant I bring home or am gifted. The ability to grow plants is elusive. Kids and dogs need love and food, easy peasy.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. KatieComeBack · March 17

    I travel too much for dogs…but as you know I have 3 cats. They’re lazy and overfed, and alone most weekends, but that beats being featured on a Sarah McLachlan sobby-weepy commercial. Right? I mean REALLY. People are dumb.

    I will confess, though, that at my kid’s one-year checkup, I was a little baffled that I had kept her alive better than a houseplant. HAHAHA

    Like

  17. Chrissie B · March 20

    Go for it! There’s nothing like the unconditional love of a furry face greeting you at the door. Good luck with the house shopping.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. amommasview · March 21

    Dogs give you so much. And they teach you a lot too. About dogs but also about yourself…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Kevin · March 22

    You are going to miss that weed smell when you are doing your launders. And the good thing about dogs is they let you know when they are hungry.πŸ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

    • fattymccupcakes · March 22

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ You know, weed mixed with anything casserole just doesn’t sit well with the Ol’ πŸ‘ƒ! EXACTLY! Plants don’t let you know that, so dogs win!

      Liked by 1 person

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