WTF Wednesdays #6

I’m going to start out this WTFW with a haiku:

House hunting sucks balls

All I can afford are dumps 

Ghetto life, here I come 

I have never in my life written a haiku. Even when we had to write them in high school, I somehow got out of doing it. I really don’t enjoy poetry, nor am I good at it. However, this was quite therapeutic. I rather enjoyed it. Thank you, Traci York and your Coffee Haikus. You inspired me to get creative and write my own haiku based on the fabulous house hunting experience I’ve had thus far. 

Don’t get me wrong. I love, like, LURVE looking at homes. In fact, I’ve spent more weekends driving around looking for open house signs in my favorite part of town than I’d care to admit. I’ve whiled away hours looking at homes online, hoping, dreaming. 

My absolute favorite part of this whole process of looking for a house to buy was getting to look at potential homes, Starbucks in hand, paint color ideas swirling in my brain. It’s legit one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday. 

However, I’ve grown to not like the part where most of the nice homes I’ve looked at are, in fact, over budget (I don’t even want to get into how that happened). So, now, my potential homes are really quite stressful and disappointing to view. 

Some I haven’t even stepped foot in, because the overwhelming scent of cat urine almost knocked me out. Some I was afraid of contracting some disease from, because they were nasty enough for an episode of Hoarders. Some had boarded up doors, falling down kitchen cabinets, and enough dirt on the baseboards to build a baseball diamond. It blows my mind how people don’t feel the need to, at the very least, vacuum up the stale chip crumbs and nail clippings when they know their home will be viewed by potential buyers. It’s just disgusting and shockingly eye-opening to see how some people live. 

It’s almost comical. I mean, I would laugh if I wasn’t racing the clock, trying to find an affordable home, where I might not get shot in a drive by in, before a very generous teacher grant of $10,000 runs out. Yes, right now, in the state of Nevada, teachers can take advantage of a $10,000 grant to use on a new home and a lower interest rate.

So, here I am, looking to buy when the time is right to sell, so I can take advantage of the only way I’ll have a sizable down payment. 

When this whole process began, I knew I’d have to leave my beloved neighborhood, as the home prices have been off the charts expensive for a long time, because it’s a very hip area that’s being revitalized. 

So, I knew that. 

In the beginning, I refused to look anywhere outside of a very select “second best” group of neighborhoods. Once I realized that homes that used to be exactly in my price range, were now out of reach, I begrudgingly allowed my search criteria to be wider spread. 

That was just the beginning of the madness that is now my reality. 

At this point in the game, the only place that’s off limits is our pride and joy, the world renowned “Largest Trailer Park in America”. It may or may not be factual, but there is a community just north of Reno that has been called this for years by locals. 

No offense to anyone living there, as I’m sure it’s lovely, but I don’t wanna live there.

I’ve succumbed, in utter loss of any other options, to areas that I used to be dead set on never considering, due to commute, safety, and pride. 

This tiny home is only $80k, but it’s a no-go, because it doesn’t qualify for an FHA loan. This is likely due to it not passing some inspection. My guess is that it was used for a meth lab and there’s massive damage due to an explosion not showing in the image. Or, maybe, the floor is dug up, because some serial killer buried bodies there. Despite it being in a very undesirable location, and Google street view tells me the neighbors like to collect old appliances, I keep going to back to the listing. It has a certain charm.  

When I first saw this listing, I legit thought that what was on the roof was a stroller. Upon further inspection, it is actually, in fact, Santa and Mrs. Claus riding a lawnmower. The listing says that the junk around the home may or not be leaving with the current tenants. I really hope they decide to leave the rolling food cart. I have a cute crafting idea for it. 


This next one is a foreclosure, selling for $85k. It’s a whopping 336 square feet. What a steal. And, since it’s a foreclosure, the previous residents have probably started the remodeling process for me, with holes in the walls and bashed in appliances. This one is a forerunner.  

You’re gonna poop your pants on this next one. I even looked at a condo, with wall-to-wall neighbors *shudders*, in my least favorite location in town. That’s not even the kicker. You ready for this? One of the pictures has an orb in it. 

I looked at a property, knowing that it is most certainly haunted. 

Someone call a head doctor. Stat. 


This condo was actually really well taken care of, had a high-end, front-loading washer and dryer, and more than one bathroom, but it also comes with the spirit of a previous tenant. 

Nope. 

I’ve even looked at homes just down the street from my school. 

I love my students and all, but I see them all day, five days a week. I don’t need them knowing where I live, or to risk seeing them at a grocery store, while I’m buying a box of wine in my weekend apparel that usually consists of no bra, hole-y sweats, and my Zero 🦊 Given shirt. 

Just no.

So, as it stands, The Haunting is the property with the most potential, but I’m not convinced it’s a smart investment to purchase a condo in a less than ideal location. And, despite loving the show Paranormal Witness, I really don’t want to be a sad tale that people watch, thinking, “Thank God that’s not me!” 

The search continues. 

I’m really not that big of a snob. A true snob wouldn’t have thought twice about some of the properties I’ve added to my “favorites” folder on MLS before deleting them, and calling their realtor for a reminder on what’s acceptable and what’s not. So there. 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

54 thoughts on “WTF Wednesdays #6”

  1. Keep lookin’ πŸ™‚ You might want to consider one of these options to add some zing to the hunt –
    1. make a detailed list of what you want in your ideal home. Meditate on it. Burn some incense if that’s your thing, set your list on fire. Yes – I DO mean burn it outside somewhere safe where you won’t set the whole neighbourhood on fire. It’s about releasing your intent to the universe, trusting and waiting for your home to manifest
    2.create a vision board. Kinda like making a collage – same sort of thing as 1, but this one you keep. Put it on a wall or on the fridge. Somewhere where you see it every day.
    3. put out a call for help to the universe for a house hunting angel to tag along with you whenever you go house hunting. Tell them what you are looking for. Ask for their help. The like helping but you gotta ask
    4. if the Haunted House is it, you can unhaunt it before you move in πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I LOVE these ideas! I’m such a lover of all things spiritual, and really, it might be my last resort! I definitely have some sage and my salt crystal lamp ready, but I’m not sure I’m skilled enough to cleanse a home yet.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wonderful ! Of course you are ready – confidence and trust is what you need tap into:) You will be supported and guided along the way. And if you want some tips, I can provide some. Dr Google is pretty good too. It’s a good idea to cleanse any new home. And a weekly, maybe even daily hygiene ‘scrub’ never hurts.
        BTW, orbs are good, aren’t they?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel so bad you’re going through this…

    *giggle* *giggle* *snort*

    Sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh, because this is awful…

    *chuckle* *guffaw* *chuckle*

    Seriously, this sucks, and I hope you find your perfect place soon.

    *sees picture of lawnmower roof decoration* *can no longer breath*

    Oh, and thanks so much for the shout out! Nice first attempt at haiku too!

    *wicked grin*

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Technically, the last line has one extra syllable, but I think it rocks! And I’ve done the laughing instead of crying thing for years now, but I doubt my family thinks it makes me sane… LMAO!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I worked in apartment leasing for a few years and seeing the way people live was an EYE OPENER. But it was my favorite part of the job. I also have some stories about being greeted at the door by an Asian man in tighty whities and another time by a rather intimidating Russian man in a speedo. I feel your pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. keep your mind open to the possibilities! I can remember the last 3 houses my parents have bought, all fixer uppers and the last 2 sold way higher than what they paid for them, and gave them a super great investment into the next house (house number 3 is where they are living now, and hopefully forever because it’s the cutest little thing in the whole world).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just don’t know if a fixer upper is something I can handle right now. I have zero skills in that department. Same with boyfriend. The idea of a fixer upper is appealing, because I like the idea of fixing up a home to my certain specifications, but I don’t think we have the know-how 😬😬

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I too love house hunting….projects are a sort of hobby of mine. I once toured a house where the owner had “forgotten” to flush the toilet….what happened in there appeared both explosive and painful. Also, I saw a foreclosure once where the owners still lived in the house and the patriarch followed me around eating a hot dog. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. when we were house hunting, it was my unofficial full time job, literally 40 plus hours a week for 6 months. There were lots of winners.
    One where the power lines were in the front yard because the freeway was on the other side of the street which weren’t actually deal breakers. The fact that my husband had to duck for every doorway was though. LOL.
    Or the house with the weirdest use of space ever, like a kitchen island that blocked a door, and an entire second floor my hubs was too tall for.
    My fave though was a 1000 square foot, condemned on inspection, home that sold for 600K. No, that isn’t a typo. More than half a mil for a house that got condemned during the inspection.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve worked tangentially in the mortgage business before, and the only reason I’m aware of that an $80,000 home would not qualified for an FHA loan is because the government deems it unsafe/unfit for habitation, based on criteria such as structural defects. That being said, if those issues can be resolved to the satisfaction of of HUD, then you should be able to get an FHA loan on that home. Obviously please don’t sue me if this ends up being faulty knowledge, but to the best of my understanding, that’s the case!

    Good luck with the continued search!!!! I love reading your updates πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I like house hunting, but it can be hella frustrating and painful. I’m afraid for your safety. Those houses look like there’s a 50% chance of impending murder coming your way. Curious – have you ever thought about moving and finding a new teaching job? Just for the sake of being in area where homes aren’t so expensive.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Places we looked at before buying this house (the one with tons of closets, but carpet in the bathrooms):

    -The cape cod that was legit missing THE FLOOR. (our realtor tried to convince us this was not that big a deal, since we loved the kitchen)
    -The split-level with the weirdly silent, lumpy backyard. Neighbors were nervous. I’m pretty sure the former owner was a serial killer. (Custom-built murder shed included!)
    -The Victorian with an actual ballroom and original tilework on all the fireplaces, but all 30+ custom windows were cracked or broken and would need replacing before the bank would touch the place. Oh, and part of the floor was missing in the kitchen (recurring theme, that)
    -The colonial with the brand new paint, floors, and freshly restored gorgeous woodwork on the three above-ground floors, but emitted a foul smell detectable from the sidewalk. (Basement full of black mold. I cried.)

    So yeah… that’s why we bought this house, knowing we’d spend the next several years moving the towel racks out of random rooms and into the bathrooms (I can’t explain), tearing up carpet and ripping down layers of horrifying wallpaper. Because this was the best we found.

    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. UGH! Sounds like one hell of a ride!! It’s so sad when you see one that could be perfect, but there are dead bodies buried in the backyard!! Damnit! We saw one today in our preferred neighborhood. Shit was literally falling off the front of the house, a whopping 600 SF, and they want $240k! FML!

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  10. Just went through that. What sucked was every time I found one I really like, it would fall through. That houses go fast around here but, I finally found a beautiful condo where I feel safe and comfortable period I still say come to Vegas

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I want to live in one for like 48 hrs to see if I would snap. You should check out Tumbleweed. They have tiny house all the way to adorable cottages. In that first pic, Mr. White’s mobile meth lab is sitting in the back.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Well, I told you my tales. I think. The house with cats but no litter boxes? (Or it was all one litter box?) The house where the family pretended not to speak English when we knocked, but then locked the door and shouted “They’re gone!” The abandoned house where we heard doors slam? (We think a homeless person was living there)

    Some houses are in crap shape because they’re occupied by renters who aren’t happy about moving. We did a short sale and I won’t begin to tell you what I scrubbed up. Cilantro and grease were NOT THE WORST of it… (shudder) I love the house now but it was a lot of work and I have a resourceful hubs….

    Liked by 1 person

  12. House selling sucks more. Fo’ reals. Last week a gem of a human tracked muddy footprints through our home and then proceeded to screw up all of our blinds (one was even broken!) and window treatments on the back of the house. The good news is that the family didn’t care for the layout and won’t be coming back. My thinking is that they should come back. Really. I dare them to come through my doorway again. I’m sure you are a much better shopper. It looks like you posted this a while back so hopefully the perfect abode appeared. I feel you though. House stuff bites.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. People amaze the hell out of me! How rude! Nope. Have kind of given up on the house search. The homes I can afford in my area are total and utter dumps. Not a wise investment at this time 😫

      Like

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