Flashback Friday: Cup O’ Crack 

For this week’s #fbf, I decided to re-post my Cup O’ Crack craziness. Currently, I’m on spring break and steadily eating my way to This-Isn’t-Even-Funny-Anymore-Get-a-Grip town. On my way home from brunch yesterday, I almost stopped at the store to get the ingredients for Cup O’ Crack. Thinking it wasn’t wise to have more than one serving of Cup O’ Crack in the house, I got a king-sized Reese’s and a bag of BBQ sunflower seeds. When I got home, I ate my loot, fell asleep on the couch, and woke up an hour later to sunflower seed shells everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I can’t even right now. So, how about I just wrap this up and get on with it…

When I’m stressed, worried, tired, happy, celebrating, mourning, or basically, whenever I’m breathing, I eat. I eat in a big way. I’m not proud of this, but it is what it is. Until I figure out how to separate my emotions from food, I’ll continue digging into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Buttah Core after a shitty day.

Sidebar: If you like peanut butter, you must go, right now, and buy this. I’m not shitting you. Slap on your wrinkly jeans, get your coat, car keys, and get your ass to 7-11. It’s that good.

So, I’ve recently taken to enjoying nightly, almost-instant microwaved marshmallow heaven, and its mind blowing. 

Let me tell you just how fucking fat I am. 

Are you ready?

OK, I pour enough mini marshmallows to fill a large mug about halfway. Then, I get my Chex Mix ready (I’ve thought about using something far tastier, like Fruity Pebbles, but those would most assuredly send me into a diabetic coma. So, I go with the healthier, smarter, er…least ridiculous option of plain corn cereal).

Pro tip: Only microwave the marshmallows for about 30 seconds. Any more than that and you will have a sticky, gooey explosion of epic proportions. Then, your boyfriend will attempt to microwave his leftovers and there will be an altercation. Apparently, marshmallow and spaghetti don’t pair well.

Once the sweet, sugary, pillowy clouds of fluff are nicely melted, I pour in about a 1/2 cup of Chex Mix and mix carefully. Gotta get those little tasteless shits covered in goodness.

Then, I eat that shit.

It’s sticky, sweet, crunchy, warm, satisfying. It satiates Martha*.

Oh, didn’t I tell you I’ve named my stomach fat? Her name is Martha. The fucking bitch.

When I’m eating this Cup O’ Crack, I’m in another world. I’m riding technicolor stripper boot-wearing unicorns. The sky is dotted with cupcake clouds and cotton candy snow floats down around me.

No, that’s crazy.

I’m actually sitting on the couch in my stretched out skull-print pajama pants, watching Drop Dead Diva, with marshmallow strings hanging from my chin.

Such a glamorous life I lead.

Jealous?

 

I wasn’t even playing. THIS is Cup O’ Crack!

*Apparently, my fat used to be called Martha. I must have forgotten I’d already named her. Eh. Martha…Bertha…pretty much the same name.

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

55 thoughts on “Flashback Friday: Cup O’ Crack ”

  1. I used to be an emotional eater – carbs, carbs, carbs – but now my weakness is liquid carbs in the form of alcohol… This is probably why I have a little mini-muffin top despite being slim (and bra slippage). I think I will name mine Rachael. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I busted out laughing at the “Then, I eat that shit.” I literally pictured you excitedly standing in front of the microwave fist-pumping when the timer went off. I gotta say, it sounds yummy. I’ve been an emotional/stress eater, too. That’s why I’m now a runner. Not because I want to train for marathons, or look great in my yoga pants. It’s just so I can continue stuffing my face with boneless wings and cake. It’s worth it.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. YOU’RE MY HERO! I’m totally coming over, and we’re gonna lounge around and make fun of ourselves and the whole fucking world while consuming cup after cup o’ crack. Then we’ll regret it and do something healthy like only share ONE bottle of wine. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. OK, first of all, you need a bigger cup. OR A BOWL. Two, you need to be putting peanut butter in that shiz. YOU’RE WELCOME. Three, hazelnut core and salted caramel core are my secret lovers. When I’m cheating on popcorn, ya know.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am playing catch up on my commute to work this morning and totally just gave you a mental high five. You’re awesome and I LAUGH like a fucking idiot in my car as people stare at my huge teeth. It’s worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

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