WTF Wednesdays #8

How in the crap have I been doing WTFWs for eight weeks already?! It feels like just yesterday that I chose to make my bitching a weekly, written thing (I had to distinguish written from spoken, because I vocalize my rants hourly).

Time flies when you’re being a bitch.

Today, my post is going to contain a lot of choice words. Brace yourself. Delicate flowers, you might want to go watch a cat video. 

Today is about the “Realization”. You know, when you finally realize you really can have too many cupcakes. 

Sometimes, it takes a lot. Sometimes, it takes getting into your car, in a pair of work pants that you haven’t worn in eons, and, as you squeeze into your seat, the button barely holding your pants closed, pops off and pings and ricochets off of every hard surface in your car, before it hits you in the eye, and finally, comes to rest in your fat crotch. 

Yes, this actually happened. Except, not to me (my Realization came in the form of a student being concerned about me falling on my belly, because, naturally, it’s got a baby growing in it. That’s why it looks the way it does. FML). It happened to my naturally thin, kick-boxing-obsessed boyfriend after we both gained our happy-to-not-be-in-the-dating-scene-anymore-weight. 

After he almost lost an eye to a Dockers Relaxed Comfort button, he thought about losing some weight. And, I shit you not, that’s all it took for him to go back to his Glory Days weight (watch for this to be a WTF Wednesdays rant. Men, the fuckers). 

Since I’m not a man, and my body hasn’t magically become a specimen of superhuman genetics, all of my cupcake eating has resulted in some added cushion. 

I’ve resorted to, again, getting on the Weight Watchers bandwagon. 

Years ago, I was super successful with WW, and lost damn near 50 pounds. I kept it off for close to four years doing the program off and on, and being somewhat resonable with food. 

Lately, all semblance of reason has gone out the window. Like, thrown out the window with my good arm. 

Thus, why I found myself on Saturday night, paying for three months of WW, while crying into a large Dairy Queen Reese’s Extreme Blizzard (just typing that, I’m fucking salivating and in heat). 

This first week I’m treating as a weaning period. Also, I just need some practice not eating everything in sight and I need fair warning for how much I’m going to be starving and dreaming of cake. 

The reason I loved Weight Watchers before was that I never felt truly deprived. Yes, my better-part-of-a-half-gallon-of-ice-cream-binges had to stop, but I still got to enjoy the occasional thimble-full of my favorite frozen treat. 

I’ve heard that “the fatties are in an uproar” over the new Weight Watchers points system, because it’s very restrictive. 

It’s only Tuesday, and I can confidently say, this Fatty is not happy. I’ll be positively starving on the new SmartPoints plan. It’s as restrictive as my no-longer-elastic bra strap. 

Here’s what sucks so far:

1. 12 tortilla chips are now five points, instead of three. Salsa and chips are now dead to me. 

2. TWO FUCKING TABLESPOONS of my favorite coconut cream creamer are three points. Now, I definitely can’t put my usual half cup into my English Breakfast. My mornings are ruined. 

3. This is SEVEN SHITTY POINTS:


These taste like fruit strudel. And, there’s frosting on top. But, these are no good to me anymore. I won’t be wasting seven whole points on a tiny fruit bar that I can down in two bites. R.I.P. 

4. The cream cheese chicken chili we are planning for dinner tomorrow will probably be 567 points, without the tortilla chips (I’m too scared to calculate it, so that’s just a rough estimate). 

5. And, this:


I.can’t.even. That’s practically half of the points I’m allowed in an entire day. 

I might as well just each dirt, or kale, they both taste the fucking same. 

Fuck.it.all. 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

54 thoughts on “WTF Wednesdays #8”

  1. ‘just each dirt, or kale, they both taste the fucking same.’ this should be on slogan tee’s hahahahaha!
    That sucks, surely if you lost 50 freaking pounds (which is AMAZING btw) on the old system then that system worked fine?! why have they changed it?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Poor you. It’s really sad that we have to choose between being fat or happy. I hate natural skinny hitches that can eat their weight in cupcakes and still look like they’re starving lok

    Liked by 1 person

  3. WOW! I’ve never done the WW thing, but my mom did when I was younger. I always remember the commercials with the lady going “I can eat a whole watermelon!” I wish you luck on your WW journey – maybe sending you a video of a little girl eating whipped cream last night wasn’t the best? *sorry*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It sucks, doesn’t it? My husband is naturally skinny too. Sure, he has gained a bit of beer weight, but it seriously takes minimal effort for weight to fall right off of him. I want to stab him in the face with a chocolate covered pretzel stick. I haven’t done weight watchers, but good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. All the best in your quest. I have tried diets, somehow I just can’t do the one slice of dry toast with a tablespoon of tuna in the mornings. I may as well eat dirt too. I’ve been stuck at around 220-230lbs for 8 years. You did it once, I’m in your corner pulling for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My husband drinks soda all damn day long and in the 20 something years we’ve been married he’s only gone up one pant size. People like him should go live on an island by themselves so we don’t have to face them.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I just started a meal plan myself and all it’s changed is the fact that I now feel immense shame when I stuff my face with free-office-pastries-and-bagels and I-had-no-time-to-make-dinner-pasta.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that kind of pasta!! I feel the same way! The huge positive that comes with meal/eating plans, though, is portion control. I’m terrible at that when I’m not on an eating plan. I’ll eat a pound of pasta if you let me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Like

  8. I’m an all or nothing kinda gal…if I can’t binge-eat the entire half-gallon of frozen custard, I’m not gonna be satisfied with a thimble-full.

    So I gave up sugar. And a shit-ton of carbs. And I’ve actually been happy on ketosis for almost a year, now.

    Don’t get me started on men and weight loss. Makes me wanna (insert violent thoughts here)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Fuck Weight Watchers, go keto. I lost 30 pounds gorging on bacon, cheese, and, yes, liquor.

    All my food addictions and cravings vanished without even leaving a forwarding address. I know for sure they’re gone because I was attacked by a dog yesterday, went into shock, and realized when I stopped shaking that I didn’t want any food or booze to take the edge off, I just wanted to go to sleep. So, I did.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s hard to imagine living without sugar while you’re still doing lines of it on the kitchen table but trust me, once it’s out of your system, the world is your fucking oyster–and you can have all the oysters you want on keto.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL!! It was hilarious! We still laugh so hard about it. OMG! It’s so easy!! It’s literally chicken breasts, ranch packet, 2 cans each of black beans, Rotel, and corn. Then, you put cream cheese brick on top of it all in the crock pot. You like my detailed recipe?! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Fuck the fucking point system! It’s just deprivation cloaked in lies! No but seriously, it’s better than most diest, it’s just hard to stick with, especially when wine is in the equation.Maybe I’ll join ???

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I LOVED doing the points thing back when it was way more lenient. I truly never felt deprived, yet I lost loads of weight. It just goes to show that portion and eating within reason is everything. I suck at both.

      Like

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