Flashback Friday: Be Cool, Alright?

I’m re-blogging this post for #fbf, because I almost wrecked my diet the other day with Boston Market Cinnamon Apples and mashed potatoes. Like, it was so.close. Too close. As in, I circled the whole of Boston Market five times, drooling, staring, frothing at the mouth. I can never be seen there again. So, I’ll just live vicariously through my past foodscapades. Is it bad that this post doesn’t make me feel shameful, but hungry for macaroni and cheese, and nostalgic for my bacon grease sweats? 

Dear Boston Market Yeller, 

My boyfriend and I visited your establishment this past Saturday, around 6:00 PM. You greeted us by yelling, “Welcome to Boston Market. What can I help you with?” from behind the counter, at least 15 feet away, before we were even in the door. While the gesture was, thoughtful, semi-courteous, it was a little overwhelming, as every single individual in the restaurant turned to watch us come in. I’m sure realizing it wasn’t the Queen of England entering, but a couple in their fat pants, was quite disappointing. Had I known I would have been welcomed so warmly, I would have worn a more supportive bra and my fancy sweats, the ones without paint and bacon grease stains. 

I want to say I appreciate your tenacity, but it just came off as abrasive. My boyfriend and I ordered the meal for 3, and we really didn’t appreciate your need to repeat this fact no less than 10 times to your coworkers and what appeared to be the lady behind us. Yes, we were two people ordering the meal designed for three people. We had on elastic pants, was that not evidence enough that we were planning on eating heartily? Also, I would like to point out that it was highly probable that we had an adult or two waiting at home. We could have been being thrifty and mindful of our diets. This could have easily been the case. It wasn’t, but it could have been. 

Furthermore, we were taken aback by your method of checking customers out. Instead of doing it yourself, you yelled our order, repeatedly, across the entire kitchen to the young man, who must have been hard of hearing, because Sparks heard what we had for dinner, while he didn’t. After the 3rd time this young man had to ask you to repeat yourself, perhaps it was time to just take over. I’m so glad that our choices, the most fattening sides possible, were repeated for all to hear. Just for future reference, when two people come in, in oversized sweatshirts and they don’t take off their sunglasses, they would like their poor life choices kept between you and them, not shared with the entire restaurant. 

I am only writing this letter to you because you have potential. The passion you have for your product is evident, but I would suggest you work on your voice level and tact. You have zero tact. None. I would like to assume that most people visiting a Boston Market have serious plans of wrecking their diets. These people are already low, don’t assist them with their impending demise. Do you want to be an accessory for death by cookie dough? I don’t think so. Just be cool, alright? Sheesh. 

The Couple Who Bought a Meal For Three, and Ate It ALLLLLL 

***As an aside…

If hearing…
“Mashed with gravy, Mac and cheese, and cinnamon apples for THREE!”

“How many?” 


“You said, mashed, apples, and spinach?” 

NO, mashed potatoes, gravy, MACARONI AND CHEESE, and cinnamon apples!” 

OK, I think I got it. And that was the meal for three?”

YES, the meal for three”

….doesn’t make you want to reevaluate your life, I don’t know what will. It’s time for a change. My “last resort” pants are tight and I’m certain my fat is trying to suffocate me in my sleep. Help. 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

34 thoughts on “Flashback Friday: Be Cool, Alright?”

  1. Bwahahahaha! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    What a little fucker! Shit… I would’ve just gobbled him up for my second dessert and called it a day. 😈

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Once again I have lost all composure and I’m trying not to let the office know that i’m laughing my arse off! Regardless of the health risks of eating their food business should be welcome. Perhaps you should have shouted HOW MUCH?!!? When the bill came, adding I ONLY WANTED THE A MEAL FOR THREE NOT THE DAMN FAMILY BANQUET!! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Lol, they do indeed. I tell myself Zaxby’s is real since I have to actually SIT THERE & WAIT for them to cook it! It’s agonizing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. From Philly originally, but now I live in Asheville, NC. I think it’s a southern thing, though Cracker Barrel finally made it’s way up to the northern states. Where are you?

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am loving it! I had to wait for the tears to subside from laughing so hard, before i could comment. I hate when I walk in a place, where multiple people shout at you as you crack the door open. Makes you feel like your walking into a disturbance. Thanks for a good laugh this morning.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Never be ashamed of your fatty food choices. When I ask for a coke waiters always ask back “coke 0?”. Fuck me, just because I’m fat it doesn’t mean I’m on a diet and I can enjoy a regular coke!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha the other day I was at a store looking at dresses and the lady comes, grabs a random dresses stretches it and says “you should take this one, it stretches. It’s bigger”

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I came to make you feel better by saying we always order the KFC bucket for two of us. There is a choice of 6 pieces or 10…and we always go for 10. Oops.

        I bloody love your posts! You made me giggle into my tea again!!

        Liked by 1 person

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