Chrissy Teigen’s James Brown*

I’m a satire writer. I felt the need to start with that, in case you’re new here or you haven’t already realized that 90% of my blog is humor-based.

So, I think almost anything is laugh-till-I-pee funny.

It’s true.

My friends either love or hate going to the movies with me, because there’s a 110% chance I’ll be the loudest one laughing at every.single hint of a joke.

I laugh at myself and my ineptness. I laugh at fart and poop jokes. Hell, I laugh at farts. Every fart. I laugh at the fact that my boyfriend and I call each other Miss and Mr. Poopy Butthole (instead of the usual “Honey” or “Sweetie” *gagging noise*). I laugh at my students’ corny straight-from-the-dollar-special-Scholastic-knock-knock-book. Like, I genuinely laugh. I laugh at puppies simply being puppy-y. I laugh when conversations turn awkward. I laugh at my dad’s pronunciation of a Yoo-hoo as Yo-ho.

I fucking think everything is funny.

Well, almost.

Not everything is funny.

What makes me stop dead in my tracks during a laughing fit?

What makes me instantly get on my high horse soap box?

You want to know?

It’s when people pass off utter, on-purpose stupidity as “cute”.

I’m all for laughing at silly things like this:


Because it’s not stupidity, it’s a misunderstanding, turned hilarity.

source

Recently, I stumbled upon a stupid af BuzzFeed article about–are you ready for this–Chrissy Teigen’s butthole.

Get this, despite having had sex with her husband, however many hundreds (thousands) of times, she had no clue he’d spied her butthole.

Apparently, she had always assumed her coffee crumpet was the one sacred place left on her body that her husband had not seen.

Chrissy, didn’t you ever wonder why all of your friends were getting their assholes bleached? No, it wasn’t for health reasons. SMH.
I really don’t aim to be a snotty bitch, but, really? How can someone be that dumb?

Furthermore, why are we perpetuating the stupidity by glorifying it?

All images from BuzzFeed, obviously. 



I was planning on completely dismissing this article as a slow news day at BuzzFeed, until I continued reading (why did I continue reading??), and was forced to choke down her grammatically incorrect, cringe-worthy tweet.

There are at least 11,378 fools out there who either didn’t even notice the lack of any understanding of grammar whatsoever in her post or they just didn’t care.

WE NEED TO START CARING.

As an educator, it is literally my job to spread knowledge and to stop the scourge of ignorance.

Why are we continuing to share, repost, retweet, and glorify stupidity masked in I’m-pretty-so-it’s-OK?

So, I did my due diligence as an educator, and I commented on the poor grammar and lame subject of an article someone actually got paid to write, and I was met with being called a “judgemental bitch”.

I will be honest, I was my usual snarky, dripping-in-satire-self, but I simply can’t sit by, as someone’s stupidity is celebrated, and do nothing.

In hindsight, maybe I should have privately messaged Chrissy, and said something along the lines of:

“Chrissy, sweetie, I’m not being mean when I say this, and really, I’m just trying to help you, but you might want to invest in a basic human anatomy book. While you’re at, you might want to also add to your Amazon cart, “Grammar For Dummies”. Actually, no. What am I thinking? You’re paid for your good looks. You don’t need basic common sense. Nah. You’re good. Forget I even said anything.”

Too much?

While I’m at it, ladies, can we stop playing the dumb, because it’s perceived-as-cute-card?

Maybe Chrissy Teigen is secretly a rocket scientist, but since women are still more valued for their looks, she plays that role, because a girl’s gotta eat?

Either way, I don’t care how “judgemental” I’m perceived to be, I’m going to continue fighting ignorance one snarky, time-wasting social media comment war at a time.

*James Brown= slang for butthole.

 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

37 thoughts on “Chrissy Teigen’s James Brown*”

  1. I actually approve of the things that make you mad.

    I remember when I was 17, my friend and I overheard some lads from her high school saying they couldn’t date a girl that was smarter than them(!) my friend didn’t seem surprised, but I was completely floored. I mean teenagers aren’t always known for their good decisions, but that is just so sad! I personally wouldn’t want to date a bloke that only fancies dumbos, but meh.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s aaaaages ago but it stayed with me. I hope those lads grew up and realised smart folks are good for friends aaaaand lovers.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my God, one of my closest male friends said to me a few years ago that he could never fancy a woman more intelligent than him! I was floored by his statement! And he was in his 30s at the time! His wife by the way, is definitely cleverer than him, but I don’t think he realises this. Which is actually the saddest thing.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Me and my 4 year old DAUGHTER fake fart on each other ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME! And we make poop/fart noises to anyone in the house who is well pooping. Love this!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Okay first of all I thought I was the only one that laughed at those dollar store joke books. I mean the effort they put in to make the joke is way funnier than the actual joke itself, but still it is VERY funny. As for Buzzfeed and Chrissy Teigen I’ve never been a fan of either and I’m not surprised that they had this weirdo interview and made it a story, the bigger problem is that I’d be worried if they DIDN’T have this in their archives at all. Ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL!! That is so true! It would be worrisome if BuzzFeed didn’t have this drivel! Those joke books are the best! I’m going to post a knock-knock joke every morning for my students now because they are so popular!

      Like

  4. You almost lost me at hello because I’ve never been a fan of potty humor. (In response to your wondering about the diminished response.) And I don’t know who Chrissy Teigen is. And I don’t really want to know what she does in the bedroom. And God I hope no one is bleaching anything for real. And you’re right about her grammar.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not exactly potty humor, just potty words. But that’s perfectly okay. You can’t please everyone all the time. And they can’t all be masterpieces. At least that’s what I tell myself.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. πŸ™‚ Didn’t mean to criticize, just giving the honest feedback for which you asked on FB. Feel free to delete my comments if they are messing up your vibe.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m not overly familar with Chrissy Teigen (I have no idea why she is famous), but BASIC grammar slip ups are one of my major pet peeves. How hard is it to think about a simple principle you learned when you were 10-12 (and had far less mental abilities)?? I will definitely be avoiding her now…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I find lots of things funny even when the situation calls for decorum – even when my dad died my mum tried to shut his mouth as he took his last breath with his mouth open & I had to stifle a giggle because it was quite comical despite the absolute sadness of the occasion- my dad used to sleep with his mouth open which used to always bother my mum and as rigor mortis had set in his mouth was impossible to close!
    But the Buzzfeed article, like your reaction, just made me think “how stupid” ! PS that hairdo tweet at the start though was brilliant! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that’s the absolute best example of what life is all about. Despite the fact that sad, horrible things happen, finding the humor in the ugliness is what it’s all about! Thank you for sharing that story!

      Like

  7. The best and funniest farts are the ones in the shower… The Bloke now knows what’s going on when he hears hysterical laughter coming from the bathroom…

    … And I’ll never be able to listen to James Brown in the same way again…

    Liked by 1 person

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