Camping Capers 

I went camping for the 4th of July weekend. As with everything that I get myself into, it was definitely not uneventful. Oh, no. 

I’m going to surprise you all by saying I’m not a real tough-cowgirl-up kind of chick.

Shocking, I know. 

First, I really hate to be dirty. Especially my feet. OMG. My feet. During the summer, when flip flops and sandals are standard, I soak, scrub, pumice, and moisturize my feet to the point of obsession. 

I can’t get in bed knowing my feet have God-knows-what on them, and so help me if even the tiniest speck of dry skin catches on the sheets. 

Ya’ll might as well commit me now. 

I couldn’t even. It took everything in me to pretend this wasn’t bothersome!

Next, I positively hate being hot and sweaty. If I can avoid ever being overheated during the summer, I’ll do whatever needs to be done. If that means blasting my AC and having a fan directed at me 24/7, so be it. I’ll pay an exorbitant electric bill for the sake of comfort any day.

Eventually, though, I do have to venture outside and away from my comfortable 68 degrees. When this happens, swamp ass and underboob sweat is just inevitable. At some point during the summer, I just resign myself to the reality that I’m going to sweat from every crack and orifice, and I just have to deal. 

Also, if I know getting to the bathroom is going to be a pain (i.e. needing to get dressed first, finding shoes in the dark, walking half a mile to the campsite toilet, etc.), I’ll have to go the bathroom precisely eight times in the night. 

Lastly, I’m a germaphobe. If there isn’t running water wherever I find myself to wash my hands precisely every hour on the hour, forget it.

As I mentioned before, this past weekend we went camping. It was at a gorgeous campsite in California. 


While there, the worst.possible.thing that could happen to a germaphobe happened. 

My darling, one-of-kind, beloved boyfriend put the roll of toilet paper-the very roll he took into the Sani-Hut (and don’t even get me started on Porta Poops), and almost certainly set on the pee-soaked floor*- in my clothes bag. 

JUST BURN IT ALL. 

So, if you just ignore all of the above paranoias, I’m a real joy to be with out in the good ol’ outdoors. 

Really. 

I’m being serious. 

Once I procure/figure out a way to wash my hands with actual soap, and if I just accept the fact that my face will be so greasy the bright sun will reflect off it all day long, I’m actually a real camping star. 

I’m of the belief that if something unsavory (like cleaning toilets or setting up camp in 90-degree weather) needs to be done, it’s better to just do it right away and as quickly and efficiently as possible. I can set up a tent, cot, and camp stove in record time if it means I get to sit in the shade during the rest of the camping experience. 

Also, I don’t complain too much. As long as I have s’mores and a summer beer to look forward to later, you will only hear me complain about the heat and my dirty feet a minimal amount of times. 

Mmm. There ain’t anything better than a beer in the fresh mountain air!

This past weekend did not deviate from the norm. There was just a little bit of complaining, and a whole lot of loving-being-outside-of-the-city. 


The part of this camping adventure I was most looking forward to was a swim in the pond, because I bought a donut floaty, and I simply couldn’t wait to flail my gorgeous bod atop it. 


The float and swim was simply glorious. I’m a fat chick, but I also grew up going to a lake cabin every summer of my life. I can swim like a fucking majestic mermaid.

It wasn’t until exiting the water, that I questioned our decision to take a dip in a pretty questionable pond. 

The great debate is still on going, because my boyfriend positively swears that what was all over my legs were little worm things. 

No, I don’t care that he dual majored in biology and microbiology, those little effers were leeches.

After positively freaking out and making him run back over the rocks in his bare feet to inspect and remove the vile creatures that were sucking my life blood straight out of my pudgy, translucent legs, my first thought was, “Where else are they?”

Me: “Are these like ticks?”

Him: “Uh, no. These worms aren’t anything like ticks.”

Me: “No, like, would they possibly be elsewhere on my body?”

Him: “OMG. You had one worm on your leg. The other thing was a twig or some dirt!”

Me: “Are you blind?! They were all over my legs!” 

Him: *rolls eyes clear back into his skull* “OK. Sure. They were all over your legs…”

Me: “OK. So, could they possibly have found their way to other parts?”

Him: “No, babe. I highly doubt it.”

Me: “Are you sure? Because if water can go through my bathing suit, maybe tiny water monsters can go through my suit, too?”

Him: “OMFG.”

So, after I was reassured that the worms (leeches) almost certainly didn’t find themselves in my more delicate regions, I felt mentally stronger and more ready for the next camping obstacle I’d likely face (this time it was being eaten alive by mosquitos and the TP incident). 

No more worms (leeches)!

The struggle is real for an outdoors-loving germaphobe freak. 

*After making it clear my disgust with his dirty deed, he swore up and down that he nestled the TP roll in his underwear and that he most certainly did not put it on the poop-caked floor. I feel just a tiny bit better. 

Author: fattymccupcakes

Just a thirty-something girl trying to love herself the way she is: fat, rolls, cellulite, and fabulousness.

71 thoughts on “Camping Capers ”

  1. Aside from the leeches incident, it sounds like a great weekend! It certainly is a gorgeous campsite and you got me a bit jealous there… I hope you enjoyed it, and happy 4th of July! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve never been camping for exactly the same reasons that you listed. Here, the temperature is a lot lower and we have less bitey things to worry about as abroad, but the thought of being cold and muddy and fighting off the insects makes me want to run away! And leeches? Nope nope nope nope! However, I was impressed by your positive slant on it haha! Hope you had a good 4th July!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahaha! Yes, the being dirty bit is never fun. The first time we camped this summer, there was a major cold front. I had layers of clothes on and I never once warmed up. It was brutal!

      Like

  3. OMG yes! Whenever I camped at the beach growing up I swear I had to pee every hour bc my body knew there wasn’t a toilet right next to me. Nooooo I had to get up and get my shoes on and walk to the bathroom. So annoying. Your pictures are amazing and it sounds like despite that you had a good time! Also, S’mores are my favorite!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Isn’t it lovely that our bodies (or is our minds) have our backs like that? Gosh, thanks for being a team player, bladder! It was really fun!! Where did you get to camp on the beach! That’s on my bucket list!

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  4. Oooo I love camping!! But I also hate to be sweaty… I can deal with the dirt and the bugs and all that (once in the middle of the night, I stepped on a slug which had made my sandal its home GROSS!) but I need to have an actual bathroom with running water. Sure it’s all fun to be out in the wilderness, but a need an actual bathroom. That’s my only requirement for camping haha.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I was a leader at a summer camp and they needed a female to stay in a tent with the oldest girls for their “sleep outside night” (the rest of us were in a building) the one girl couldn’t sleep so we went for a walk and I slipped on my flipflop and there it was…I almost screamed but I maintained my “im an adult” facade haha

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Noooooo!! I stood on a slug once before too! They are so squishy and smooshy. I felt slightly bad about ending its life, but mostly I was too busy wailing about how gross it felt against my skin!

      My mum did worse…she picked some lettuce from her garden and washed it to make a salad. The afterwards she saw one stray leaf on the counter, so just popped it into her mouth. There was a slug on the leaf and she’d crunched it into her teeth before she noticed. She says it is the most disgusting thing she’d ever had in her teeth. She had to keep brushing them for aaaages.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Personally, I prefer glamping– air conditioning, a semi-normal toilet, a working fridge, etc. I am not pleasant to have around in nature. Ha! You are a brave, brave soul; those worm-leeches sound absolutely terrifying. Also, I love the donut floatie. One of my girlfriends had a cupcake floatie last year (and a pizza slice, too)!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I once hiked to the top of a mountain with my friends to camp overnight, and we brought – wait for it – cupcakes with us. But NO WATER. Only time in my life I’ve ever NOT wanted a cupcake. Longest. Night. Ever.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. “First, I really hate to be dirty. Especially my feet. OMG. My feet. During the summer, when flip flops and sandals are standard, I soak, scrub, pumice, and moisturize my feet to the point of obsession.”

    SISTAH, PREACH! In fact, I’ll go you one OCD episode further: Even in the winter, whenever I return home from the filthy (store/business/building other than my house), I immediately take off my outdoor shoes, put on a fresh pair of cotton socks, and then the indoor shoes. Because worms (leeches).

    Okay, any verbal guarantee of safety that includes the phrase “in my underwear” is NOT admissible in the court of hygiene unless said tighty-whities just sprang freshly fluffed from a bleach load and hot dryer cycle. In the future, a personal resealable packet of unscented baby wipes is fucking indispensable. Learn from me, grasshopper.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I consider it ‘roughing it’ if I have to stay in a hotel without an attached, indoor, properly-chlorinated pool.

    This sleeping rough under the stars…this swimming in a body of water with water-living creatures? NOT HAPPENING TO THIS CHICKIE!

    I had too many run-ins with indigenous life-forms when I was growing up to casually share space with ’em as an adult.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. We went hiking in Canada a few years ago and swum in the most beautiful lake in the middle of nowhere.

    It was only as we were getting out of the water that we saw loads of leeches near the waters edge. Eep! I was so freaked out! To be fair, I am glad we didn’t know they were there because I wouldn’t have had such an amazing swim if I had know about the little buggers!

    After that my husband and I spent a while filming them on our cameras. They are fascinating to watch with the weird way they move around the water.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I like a nice clean face, hands, and feet. But I’ll let it all go for a chance to be out of doors for a little while and forget I care about non-greasy hair and toilets that actually flush!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. So funny! My husband just asked me if I’ve ever been camping for more than two nights. I said no. He said something like, “that’s a whole different ballgame.” ha!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I haven’t camped in years (last time was Peru) and I probably won’t again for a long time. Until my girls make me!! In the interim I shall prepare by searching for a donut designed ring float, love it 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m a camper! Love it! Don’t mind getting dirty to a certain extent! Then when I get home I lush in a sweet bubble bath, eat fab food & drink yummy wine. Camping makes me loves my house!
    I wouldn’t fancy those leech things though…..ugh nooo!
    Laughed all thought this though! Thanks for sharing ! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

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