Social Media Obsessed

Amiright? We are all on it and not a day goes by that we don’t check in, Tweet, or creep on someone’s Instagram. It’s normal. It’s all good. I am officially inviting you to creep on my Fatty life. If you’re connected on Facebook or Twitter, come on down and follow me. It’s what the cool people do. 

Facebook Creepin’

Twitter Peepin’: 


A Movie Review and a Lesson in Anthropology 

Last night, Wayne and I watched the new Vacation movie. It wasn’t out on our usual cheapskate go-to, Redbox, but it was available on Amazon for $4.99. There was literally nothing else that looked remotely good. We were in the mood for a goofy, funny, lighthearted night, so we thought $5 was worth it. Well, I am seriously considering contacting Amazon for a refund. What a waste of time. 

Except for Chris Hemsworth’s unfortunate underwear overshare, the movie had no redeeming qualities whatsoever (and anyone with half a brain, knows it was a prop, so really, just another disappointment). 

The jokes were so lame, I felt embarrassed for the actors. The whole time I was cringing, covering my eyes, and praying it was just a lame warm up, and the funny parts would make an appearance.

No, that wasn’t funny. Not remotely.

Barf is not funny. Who is the targeted demographic? 10 year-old boys??

The joke is dead. It’s effing dead, already. 

Just give it up. 

Wow, my cuticles look awful. 

Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo’s cameo was completely overshadowed by D’Angelo’s frighteningly plastic face and Chase’s drunk zombie imitation. I know aging is a bitch, but I find that 70-year-olds with plastic surgery look like they are wearing masks. It’s creepy as fuck, and straight from my darkest nightmares. There is nothing wrong with wrinkles, Beverly. Rock your natural self, girl! And Chevy, I…I don’t have words…

I don’t usually like to poke fun at other people, but they weren’t funny, it wasn’t nice to see them, and I’m mad that they didn’t try harder. 

What really bothered me (you’re probably all, “There’s more? Damn girl. Alright, let it all out) was the younger brother and his mouth. 

That little shit needed a swift kick in the ass, a mouthful of perfumey soap, and reform school. Please tell me people don’t find 8-year-olds with mouths that rival the scurviest of sailors funny. Please

For the sake of humanity, please tell me this wasn’t funny to the masses. I’m literally begging over here. 

I have a pretty sour mouth, but I’m 30-fucking-2, and I know when and where it’s appropriate to drop f-bombs. My third graders haven’t even heard me use the word, ‘heck’, and when I find out they curse, it hurts my heart. I have a standard of behavior I demonstrate and expect in my classroom. I’m classy as fuck in my slacks and chambray. 

In all seriousness, we (everyone inhabiting this Earth) are allowing things that shouldn’t be OK in media and entertainment. I know more parents than I want to even comprehend, let their children-far too young-watch that movie. Now, it’s funny to be a little, inappropriate fucker. 

And, the parents in the movie did nothing about their criminal son’s behavior. Nothing. Had that been my kid, I would have washed his mouth out with the nastiest soap I could find, removed every single belonging from his room, and threatened boot camp so fast he wouldn’t have known what hit him. 

Kids, it’s not funny, attractive, or intelligent to use curse words like that kid in the movie. When you drop F bombs every other word in the grocery store, in the park, or at school, you look ignorant. You look stupid. You look like trash. You are our future, you have the potential to be something great. So, do better. Be better.

To the parents who monitor their children’s TV and movie options, and don’t allow disrespectful language, I applaud you. Unfortunately, your children will soon be the minority among a world of people who can’t tell the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, but know every curse word in 3 different languages. 

Impressive. Unthinkable. Terrifying. 

Next movie I see featuring an 8-year-old with a nastier mouth than me, I’m boycotting. I will seriously go to Michael’s and Home Depot to buy sign-making materials, and you will see my crazy ass boycotting being trash. 

Pray for our future, it’s gonna need it.